YOU'RE a lecturer. Class has finished and there's still over an hour until the next one begins.
Where do you head for during those sixty odd minutes? The lecturer’s room? Nope.
The preferred choice is... the toilet! Welcome to the world of an introvert!
For Mohd Zulfahmi Ab Salam, 27, being an introvert can be pretty hard. After starting work a few years ago as an English lecturer at a local polytechnic, he would often find himself spending time in the toilet (sometimes for more than an hour) just to avoid socializing with the other lecturers.
“When it's lunch time at work, instead of contemplating on WHAT to eat, I think hard of WHERE to eat.
"I always choose restaurants with the most strangers. I often eat alone. Going to a restaurant where there are people that I know (although not closely) would 'force' me to join them at their table.
"Actually, I don't want to be considered as rude or 'kera sumbang'. By joining them at their table would mean that I have to join in their conversations and that can be stressful to me,” says this young father.
His condition of social anxiety also means that he would often opt to starve rather than socialising with people.
“Sometimes, when I got to a restaurant, I would turn back because I saw familiar people inside. I would make my way to other restaurants or just head back to the office and starve,” he explains.
“I don't want to go to these restaurants simply because I feel anxious thinking about socializing with them. I tend to over think of it. 'Should I join them at their table? What should I say? Should I shake hands? Do they even want me to sit at their table?'" he added.
Introvert Is Not Being Shy
Being around people for a long period of time can drain the energy from introvertsAccording to Dr. Marti Olsen, a psychotherapist and the author of ‘The Introvert Advantage’, being introverted is not just another word of being shy.
“Shyness is actually a reaction of fear or threat to people and situations. It can also mean that they don’t have very good social skills.
"This is very different from introversion, which is a temperament. Actually, more extroverted kids are shy, but introverted (kids) can appear to be hesitant. People perceive that as shyness,” she said in a recent interview with Seattle P-I.
While an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings.
They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy.
This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for a length of time, such as at a party, they need time to be alone to "recharge."
Zulfahmi agrees.
“I'm not shy. Introverts are not shy creatures. It's just that I am not used to socializing with people as it makes me anxious.
"The anxiety comes when I don't know what to expect out of a conversation. I'm a lecturer. In class, even though I face 30-40 students, I don't feel anxious because I already know my purpose," he said.
Introverts are notoriously small talk-phobic, as they find idle chatter to be a source of anxiety, or at least annoyance.
For many of the quiet types, chitchat can lead to the feeling of disingenuous.
Laurie Helgoe, a psychologist, writes in her book ‘Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength’: “Let's clear one thing: Introverts do not hate small talk because they dislike people, they hate small talk because of the barrier it creates between people.”
Introverts gain energy and generally feel most productive being quiet and in solitude, and, constant stimulation and social interactions can be taxing to them. They feel alive and energised when less activity is going on.
Good To Be An Introvert?
Unfriendly, lacking social skills, and don’t like people. According to Dr. Marti those are just some of the many misconceptions people have of introverts.
She however says there are many advantages of being an introvert. In her book she dispels introverts’ belief that something is wrong with them and instead helps them recognise their inner strengths — their analytical skills, ability to think outside the box, and strong power to concentrate.
On her website she lists top 10 advantages introverts posses:
10) Work Well With Others, Especially In One-to-One Relationships
9) Maintain Long-Term Friendship
8) Flexible
7) Independent
6) Strong Ability To Concentrate
5) Self-Reflective
4) Responsible
3) Creative, Out-of-the-Box thinking
2) Analytical Skills That Integrate Complexity
1) Studious and Smart
Perhaps more interestingly is a report by the Mensa Education and Research Foundation which revealed: “While the general population is made up of approximately 75 percent extroverts and 25 percent introverts, the membership of Mensa reflects nearly the reverse: approximately 65 percent are introverts while 35 percent are extroverts.”
In Good Company
Not many people would have guessed that Lady Gaga is also an introvert
Still need convincing that introverts aren’t necessarily shy and lack social skills? Here are few introverts who don’t shy away from the spotlight: Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera, Emma Watson, and the luminous Audrey Hepburn.
Other famous and successful introverts include Bill Gates, Abraham Lincoln, J.K. Rowling, Michael Jordan, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Mahatma Gandhi.
You see, introverts aren’t as bad as you might think they were. Just a little misunderstood
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